Tag Archives: Gastronomic Monstrosity

I’m sooo down for the Double-Down!!!

5 Sep
Oh, Sweet Jesus!!

Oh, Sweet Jesus!!

I’m so down for the Double Down!

This is a travesty I tell you; a TRAVESTY!

Providence and Omaha are the only places where this sandwich is being tested, and quite frankly I’m a bit pissed off about it.

Why CC; are you miffed, you may ask?

I’m perturbed because I don’t get to taste it.  You know you want to taste it too.

Please save the faux indignation and disgust for someone who gives a care, ‘cause I ain’t trying to hear it.  This is by far a stroke of culinary genius, and you may end up having one by the time you eat this.  Using meat as bread??? Yes!!! And deep-fried meat at that? Oh Sweet Jesus. I’ve died and gone to heaven!

You all know I have a giddy fascination for all foods that are so obviously bad for you that eating it may cause an extreme reaction to anyone with health issues.  But what I like about this sandwich is that it is what it is, and there is no pretense about it.  Imagine yourself as that Twilight chick Bella; you know that Edward is a vampire, and he’s gonna bite you at some point. And, you ain’t scared.

Well, neither am I. That’s what statins are for. They are the proverbial holy water to the fat in that sandwich. You know what you are in for the moment you order this sandwich.  A day’s worth of calories and about three day’s worth of fat. I would have to go into training in order to eat this sandwich.

Let’s see: Eating salad with vegetables and no dressing for three days before and only drinking water. My consumption on the day of the suicide meal would consist of only water and a dose of Lipitor, then the sandwich and another dose of Lipitor after eating the sandwich. I would eat only salad for three days afterwards to counterbalance the negative effects.  Only then would my curiosity would be sated. I just hope that the anticipation is worth the risk.

Yes, I’m sure it will be.

** A note to all of you heath freaks out there. Don’t even bother to chastise me for eating and promoting the eating of this sandwich. Clean up your kitchen before you comment on mine.

Gastronomic Monstrosity #10: Marshmallow Peeps

13 Apr

Some people swear by them; of course, I don’t. But; I love creativity and strange food, so in the spirit of the season, I present to you the following blog entries  and photos from around the blogosphere:

Smeeps: S’mores made with peeps by the Curious Domestic,

Deep-fried Peeps from Serious Eats,

P. B.  & Peep sandwich, Peep Mojitos, and Toasted Peeps from Geeks Are Sexy; and my favorite,

2009 Peep Diorama entries from the Washington Post.


The CC

Gastronomic Monstrosity #9: Cadbury Eggs

9 Apr

You know, I am a tolerant and open-minded kind of gal. When I think of Easter candy, I remember my Aunt Gloria. She worked at a Baltimore institution, Naron Candy Factory on South Monroe here in Baltimore. We lived in a duplex, she in the lower half with us upstairs.  My fondest memories of her are her arriving home in her chocolate-stained blue uniform with the white collar, and bringing my sister and I home freshly-made peanut butter eggs.  That was a golden time in my life; one I won’t soon forget.

Fast forward a few years later. I remember sitting in my kitchen as a teenager and seeing this horror on television. Someone had the absolute temerity to invent a candy that looked like a coddled egg inside a chocolate shell.

I almost threw up at the thought. Ugh!



I sat there and imagined the pitch to the R&D department at Cadbury that day. I’ll call the pitchman Ed for conversation’s sake. I am operating on the theory that Ed, like me,  was likely stoned out of his gourd and just may be one of the stupidest guys in history that had a freaky-deaky stroke of luck, or an idiot savant.

Ed at pitch meeting:  Dudes! I was home smoking a bowl and I came up with a crazy idea. I love candy and I love eggs; do you think  we could combine the two?

R&D guys: Ed, you have got to stop coming to work high; that has  to be the most ridiculous idea you have pitched in years.

Ed: Well…what about Candy corn, Boston baked bean candy,  Cotton candy and Marshmallow Peeps???  Explain that!

R&D guys: You’ve got a point there

Ed: All those candies are now classics, so why can’t we come up with something like that?

R&D guys: Hmmmm…..

So, in my marijuana haze, curiosity got the best of me and so I marched around to the Rite-Aid and bought one. After all, it couldn’t look like a soft egg. Right?

I got home and opened up the wrapper. Inside the wrapper emerged a thing of beauty. The  chocolate brown shell was perfect in its dimensions, just like a real egg.  I looked at it for a minute, then decided to cut it open. I grabbed a plate from the drainboard, and reached for a knife.  Placing the egg on the plate, I took the tip of the knife and pierced the shell of the egg. I was not mentally prepared what happened next.

The tip of the knife slid  into the shell, and the egg broke in half. Pieces of chocolate fell in the contents of the egg as the yellow and white mass slowly oozed out from its confines. It sent shivers down my spine as my mind comprehended the horror before me. I couldn’t imagine  who on God’s green earth would eat this, I thought to myself. It skeeved me out so badly that I threw the whole thing out, plate and all.

I still get the heeby-jeebies just thinking about it. You all can have this one;  I can’t do it.

4800-Calorie cheeseburger on ballpark menu

25 Mar

Get a look at this baby:


Yes, Yes, Yes!

If you are among the many fans of the West Michigan Whitecaps, you too can enjoy this behemoth. Five burger patties, chili, salsa chips, cheese are all sandwiched in between a 1 lb. bun. The price: $20

AND if you pull a John Candy, all you will get for your solo eating efforts is a t-shirt ( Damn, not even the cost of the burger?)

Or, maybe an EKG and a chance to meet Jesus!

Gastronomic Monstrosity # 8: Cajun Squrrel Potato Chips; er, Crisps

14 Mar

Oh, Lawdy Lawd!!!!

Apparently , someone in merry-olde England got the lovely idea of the following:

Cajun Squirrel-flavored Potato Chips

The Sun reported the crisps are part of a marketing campaign, and that no real squirrels went into making the snack. This is based in part on a southern Acadian delicacy, allegedly. Sheesh, don’t those guys have something else better to do? Why doesn’t someone send me some photo-shopped example of some outrageous take on this idea, and i’ll post them here on the site!


The Real “Man Versus Food!”

1 Mar

This has got to be one of the funniest, most sadistic blog I’ve come across in ages. I hope he plans to update it every now and again. If you have a morbid curiosity of how things taste like prison wine, huchilacote, or potted meat, then let me present to you:

Steve, Don’t Eat It!

This brave soul ventures into the unknown by consuming things like….Beggin’ Strips Dog Treats.  I have to say that this is Sous-Chef’s favorite snack and I am more than happy to provide it for her snacking pleasure. However, I recently had a conversation with my roomie after I fed the Sous her afternoon snack, and we both concluded after smelling, visually examining and looking intently at the “bacon,” that it probably would be better for my sidekick if I actually gave her real bacon from time to time ( and cheaper).

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I have a fascination with weird food. So much so, that I’ve dedicated a portion of my sidebar to such oddities called Gastronomic Monstrosities ( the lastest entry was the sublimely presented Bacon Sausage Explosion).

But I digress.

Anyhoo, this dude made a B.L.T. out of Beggin’ Strips, lettuce and Tomato.  And ate it.

So, please go to this site and read how it all turned out. It is absolutely hilarious! I laughed hysterically when reading all of his misadventures with different “foods.”

Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!